questions...??

i have had so many things running through my head lately.

• what should i do with my life
• where do i want to live
• who do i want to become
• what job should i have
• will i be a person worth remembering 

some of those questions my seem crazy. but they still are questions that i have been thinking. i think i am having somewhat of a mid-life crisis. or maybe what i am going through it totally normal. i mean a lot has changed for me in the past year. 

i graduated college and now i am no longer going to school. school has been my "normal" for the past 16 years!! it seems very odd that i am not moaning and groaning about having to go to class. i am not study or doing homework. oddly enough i miss my old routine because i am a routine kind of girl. =] 

in may i got married to the love of my life and he has been in my life for over 6 years. but marriage is different than just dating. marriage is better than dating because you don't have to question their love for you. well i guess now a days marriage isn't as solid as it should be. marriage is not something you can just get out of... you don't just break up because you have a fight. you stay and fight because love is worth it. that is how i have chosen to look at marriage. it is worth it to have my best of times with him and my worst of times with him. 

now that i have graduated i am expected to find a "real" job. this is not the easiest of times to find a "real" job. i am not content to stay at my college job after all i have already been there for 4 years. and to be honest it has not changed much and frankly i am beginning to feel stuck. i am working 2 jobs. both jobs require me to "watch" people. my job at the group home (which i love) i go and watch people usually for 7 hours at a time and watch them have the same problems over and over. is a little tiring. but i love it otherwise i would not have stayed there so long. i love the ladies, i love my co-workers,  i love the sense of security, i love feeling needed, and i love responsibility. my second job -- i never thought i would work 2 jobs at the same time! -- my second job is nannying 3 kids. i also love these kids. they can drive me up the wall, but then they do or say something that is just so darn cute. 

the problem with both of these jobs is that they just don't give me what i need. i need a break from being needed by others. i want to be needy. i am not very good at being needy and i am sure that after a day or two i would be over it. but i would like to try. or try a job that i go and work for 8 hours. and then go home. total separation of work and home that is what i would like. and maybe normal work hours would nice. no asleep shifts or working until 9 or 10. i would like to be done at 5 or 6. 

but who knows if i will be getting a job that fits what i want any time soon. in the mean time i will just have to grin and bear it. "suck it up buttercup" ;)

becoming balanced

i feel like there are not enough hours in the day and not a enough days in the week. however, i can complain about that simple fact. but i can never change that fact. so here i am dealing with the lack of hours in a day. i feel like i never get everything done that i want to get done. and when i think everything is going well; i get sick. like right now~~ i am sick. even my teeth hurt...

so i am taking today to just bum around. i watched some "reality" tv. which i love because it is kind of like reality, but come on no one can live like the people on jersey shore. i watch these shows more or less so i can be thankful for my own "normal" life. plus i watch my favorite type of movie romantic comedy: letters to juliet. i love just getting to hang around at home, but all i do is wait for my husband to come home.

my husband balances me out. i always thought i was balanced, but he makes me think about myself. which is the opposite problem that most people have. i tend to give people what they want no matter the consequence to me. and my husband has taught me that i can think about myself and not be a selfish person.

he has taught me a lot. even though we have been together for 6 years; i have learned more from him in the past 4 months of marriage than the past 6 years. i didn't know that i have ocd tendencies. but i most surely do and i struggle with him not doing everything my way all the time. which is something that will change over the lifespan of our marriage. i am very thankful for my marriage and i am very happy to come home at night to him. so even though i never have enough time; i always have enough time for my husband... for love.

love is what keeps you balanced.

Here I go

well~ blogging is something that i have ever done, but my dear friends have convinced me that i should. so here i go; taking the plunge into blogging.


blogging ... what does one blog? about their life, dreams, thoughts, hopes, wishes? and if one blogs about those things. who cares to read them? why would a person spend time reading about someones hopes and dreams? 


i think we read blogs because we don't want to feel alone. you can find people who blog that are like you; think like you. no one wants to be alone in the world and there is great comfort in knowing that there are others like you. blogging is a way to be inspired by others who you may never meet.


so please join in this adventure called: blogging.